Guilt Trip

Guilt Trip

At the end of February, I traveled alone to Barbados and St.Vincent. Not for any particular reason, other than I love traveling and since my current responsibilities and obligations are minimal, I figured seeing the world at this point in my life is the perfect time. Plus, I found the idea of being alone in paradise challenging but thrilling! (And not because I was trying to get my groove back) So I planned it. As I got closer to leaving and I was sharing my plans with people, a majority of the responses I received weren’t as positive, uplifting and supportive as I hoped for. A lot of “I’m so jealous” or “Your so lucky” or “For what?” and “Your going alone!?” were all loaded with insecurity, envy and covert negativity. I didn’t realize at the time, but a lot of their reactions triggered guilt and lack of self worth in my own thinking of my trip. That guilt stayed with me with me even during my travels. At a point, I asked myself if I deserved to even be there. Who did I think was? Just traveling by myself for no particular reason. I wasn’t following the rules. Many people and even I, couldn’t wrap my head around why or how I could do what I did. It doesn’t make sense for a young black woman to travel outside of the country by herself just because. Amidst all this mind chatter, I had to really sift through all of that outside influence and discover how I really felt about my travels. I scanned the rest of my being and asked myself: How do I feel now that I’m here?

My heart felt open and I could feel the love for myself and the people I encountered. Most of the other travelers and all of the locals showed me nothing but respect and kindness.
My body felt good getting adequate rest, stretching every morning, eating fresh fruits and freshly caught fish, soaking up all that warm sun in the thick of winter at home, bathing in the detoxing clear, blue salty water of the Atlantic Ocean and walking through the lush, abundance of the rain forests where I visited two serene waterfalls.
Lastly my connection with my intuition was stronger than its ever been; guiding me and easing my anxieties about everything my ego thought would go wrong. I was divinely protected. My last night of vacation, I arrived back in Barbados from St. Vincent and planned to head home the following day. After eating dinner across town from the neighborhood of my hostel, I got in a taxi to head there. The driver had never heard of where I was staying. It was late and dark at this point, and because I had already payed for the room ahead of time online, I was afraid it might not have been a legit place. I was beginning to panic, the more he asked people and they had no idea either. But I remembered to calm down and tap into my heart for that divine assurance. That still voice inside said to not worry; the driver was trustworthy and that the hostel was real and I would make it there sooner than I thought. 5 minutes later we had arrived. One of numerous examples of learning to listen and trust my higher self.

Overall, I realized all the negative ideas I had about “deserving” my trip were not my own and instead had been absorbed by societal norms and other people’s insecurities and lack of initiation. I decided I wasn’t going to let how other people think and feel about what I do affect how I live my life. I no longer feel guilty about doing the things that make my heart, spirit, body and mind feel good. We all have that right. And by pursuing my happiness unapologetically, I hope that I inspire people to do what they love too. If you’ve been making excuses for yourself to not travel to that island you’ve always wanted to go to, or start that yoga or gym challenge thats been your new years resolution since forever, or even quit the job you despise and pursue what you love to make your living, I recommend you do it! And don’t feel guilty about it. We deserve to pursue our happiness in whatever way we see fit. We have only one life to live, so lets make the most of it! Drop the guilt and go for gold! Time’s a wasting.

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ASHA JACKSON

Asha aims to share love, understanding, and insight through her writing. On her own spiritual journey, writing allows her to share with the world and reaffirm OUR oneness with the universe. To read more, check out her blog at http://ashestoasha.tumblr.com