Let me begin by saying this. It fucking sucks on both sides. There is no magic potion to make you forget all those amazing fireworks you had with your person. Never enough tissues for all the tribulation you both experienced. You sit alone googling questions on the web hoping something can give you solace and convince you that this is all for the better – that it’s meant to be this way or something will change. I’ve defiantly been there… a lot.
There was a guy – my guy. We were and still are crazy about each other (I’ll save that for another post). At times our crazy sent us to the cosmos in gleefulness, other times it drained our love for each other till there seemed like nothing was left. We struggled trying to grow together. I became bitter, insecure, jealous – my mood became dependant on OUR happiness together. He started to resent me – pulling back. We both saw the end result and we fought so hard to change it with counseling and talks but the fate was sealed.
Our break up was out of a soap opera – declaring our love and passion with vows of “You’re the love of my life!” and “I don’t want to be without you but…” It was truly the worst of times. I gave back the ring as I walked away only to run back in a panic searching for my guy – I mean… a guy. I walked back to my car, sat there in a panic, asking myself “What do I do now? What the fuck am I supposed to do now?!”
This was the second time we’ve broken up and you’d think I’d remember all the lessons I learned but I forgot EVERYTHING. It really is shocking how you forget how to cope after heartbreak but all the tools are there it just takes a lil bit of love… and time.
The first thing I did was meet up with my friends and talked. And talked then I went to work later that day and talked about it with my co-workers too. I told as many people that would listen about my break up. Get over the fact that it can be a little annoying or exhausting to talk about. The more you talk the more you discover about you, your partner and the truth of the situation you were in. Every person has different advice in which you can collect to use then disregard the ones that don’t apply! There was hordes of feelings I had to process and I talked them out with people until I didn’t care to discuss it anymore – I wasn’t being weighed down. I discussed my break up until it was a simple fact that I could accept.
In one of the many conversations I had, a co –worker of mind told me “It’s ok to work and be sad, no one is judging you.” And with that I found a new freedom – the freedom to feel. It’s crazy how the universe aligns to take care of you. I realized I was destroying one critical relationship – myself. I was forgetting to love myself – to caress my own skin when tears came gushing out. To love myself enough to not turn to another person or substance to fill the holes that he left. Love myself enough to finally do things we enjoyed by myself and allowing myself to feel everything – the good, bad and unbearable.
Feelings are like a river. You may put a dam in the middle of it to stop it moving but you’re not stopping the water flow from the source so it builds up. Then you’re stopping the river to continue on it’s route to the big, vast beautiful ocean.
Sorry for the metaphor but what I’m saying is YOU are that beautiful ocean. Every tear flows into it and creates YOU. If you stop the flow you’re stopping your growth. All the tears of happiness and joy is what makes you into the beautiful human you are.
At times, it’s unbearable and treacherous to feel everything at once but when you talk it out and love yourself enough to experience it all you’ll come to love the view from your own ocean.
How did you move on from a break up?
Hi loves! My name is Miss Strange and I live in Los Angeles, Ca. I am not an expert on all things love and life, no one truly is. Who I am is a young professional black female that is trying to manage life after heart break with all the insecurities, embarrassment and struggles that come with it.
Miss Strange is obviously my pin name. I struggled between using my real identity or pin name for weeks. I decided that in order to feel completely free to share my experiences with you I must do this anonymously because some of what I write about is happening in real time! This pin name is extremely close to me – an extension of self – not a garb to hide behind.
As I read one blog to the next I notice a hole in black female voices and I wish to fill that. By no means am I bashing white or other WOC’s experiences. I believe that little things arise dating while black that should be shared.
Black Magik, is truly about love – loving your partner, your friends, and learning to love yourself with a lil black girl magic sprinkled on top. Some post are more universal while some speak to my personal experiences dating and growing as a black girl in Lala Land.
As you read about my growing pains I hope you can laugh, say “yaz” a few times and cry a lil bit with me