From Miss Strange:
Here you are … again. Night after night, you lay with an emptiness and wake up to feel the void deepen. With a sigh you get up to start your day (and almost without a second thought you forego most body cleanliness. You go out and occupy your thoughts so they won’t be filled with him/her/them by any means necessary. You try to forget yourself until you numbingly realize that you don’t love yourself as much as you once had.
I was coming to the end of my longest relationship when I realized I didn’t love myself. I didn’t even know where to begin. I was beginning to sacrifice anything to save my relationship. Even when that meant sacrificing myself in the process. My willingness to forego my emotional and spiritual needs only led me down a dark path that no one could help me out of. I didn’t care about my job, eating, socializing or waking up. My well being had depended on another person – my needs came second.
It was the middle of the night, I was in my room alone – crying after begging him to give us a second chance when I asked myself…
“Do I love him more than I love myself?”
My heart sunk and more tears flowed down my face with the answer, yes. If this is the type of love I’m accepting from him, then what does that mean about the love I’m receiving from myself? Not much at all. This is when I realized I didn’t love myself. Once again I asked the same question when I returned the ring he gave me – “What the hell do I do now?”
So you’ve found yourself in your room alone, with your best friend, in the middle of a crowd, when you make this realization. You may come out of your body, forget to breathe or remain still in shock. I’ve gone through this feeling once in my life and don’t plan on making a return trip. Whatever fucked up level your feelings are on – THIS.STEP.IS.VITAL to your growth. This is the point you decide to throw some of that love your own way. This is the moment you can choose to fight for yourself now or wait until whatever outcome comes from postponing. If this task is at first too daunting – Breathe – every movement – physically and mentally starts with a breath.
Make a To-Do list. As crazy as it sounds To-Do list was a vital step on my journey to self love. When you feel unloved by yourself the last thing you want to do is get out of bed. The To-Do list holds you accountable for the day and yourself. Every time that you cross something off it’s another act of self love. You took time out and got another thing done for You. That’s pretty special. When I felt unloved by myself, I made a list of all the tasks I’d do if I felt differently. Sometimes they’re busy like this one below:
Or I keep it real easy and smooth with this one:
Little by little, you’ll begin to believe that you can also add in a little love for yourself and it won’t be so scary to do so:
Learning to love you is one of the hardest and longest journeys anyone can go through at any stage of life. I’m still on my own journey but I can say with full confidence that I have never been more in love with myself than right now. So get started on your To-Do list! What is the first thing you want to do for yourself when you wake up? I’m thinking I’ll add “Get my Passport to Travel.”
How do you practice Self-Love after a breakup? Share by commenting on the blog.
Hi loves! My name is Miss Strange and I live in Los Angeles, Ca. I am not an expert on all things love and life, no one truly is. Who I am is a young professional black female that is trying to manage life after heart break with all the insecurities, embarrassment and struggles that come with it.
Miss Strange is obviously my pin name. I struggled between using my real identity or pin name for weeks. I decided that in order to feel completely free to share my experiences with you I must do this anonymously because some of what I write about is happening in real time! This pin name is extremely close to me – an extension of self – not a garb to hide behind.
As I read one blog to the next I notice a hole in black female voices and I wish to fill that. By no means am I bashing white or other WOC’s experiences. I believe that little things arise dating while black that should be shared.
Black Magik, is truly about love – loving your partner, your friends, and learning to love yourself with a lil black girl magic sprinkled on top. Some post are more universal while some speak to my personal experiences dating and growing as a black girl in Lala Land.
As you read about my growing pains I hope you can laugh, say “yaz” a few times and cry a lil bit with me